Don't Wish Me Happy Mother's Day.

Warning: This talks about loss and infinity wars.

Mother's Day after a miscarriage is hard.  There are plenty of other websites and blogs about this.  Every person who has experienced a miscarriage feels it differently.  Some would actually like the acknowledgement of the loss in some way.  According to an informal pool on one of the TCC apps I put up when I realized Mother's Day was coming, about 57% of people who have had a miscarriage are dreading mothers day.  Only 8% are looking forward to it and the rest are just trying to ignore it.  The thing about miscarriage, just like any loss, there is no straight line through grief.  I have often wished that the stages of grief were linear and simple to go through

The reality is that it is not linear but convoluted going back and forth with being okay one minute the next wanting to cry when you se a mom with a baby in target.   It's like ripples on a pond. There is still water between the swells. Some you can prepare for like a co-worker's baby shower.  Others you can not like "Infinity War."

  SPOILER ALERT -- 

MCU - AVENGERS, INFINITY WAR 

-- SPOILER ALERT 

Tony Stark at the end of "Infinity War" has the same feelings as a woman who has gone through a miscarriage.  He realizes he would like a kid at the beginning at the movie; all of a sudden he realizes he is now responsible for this new young being.  Just as he is getting used to his role, the child literally turns to dust in his arms.  He is left empty wondering what he could have done to change that fate.  That is exactly what a miscarriage feels like.  Watching that scene was strangely cathartic.

SPOILERS OVER

Every person who has had a miscarriage experiences this differently but for me please don't wish me "Happy Mothers Day."    For me it will just bring up my loss and cause more ripples and possibly tears. Here are things I will accept -

• Extra Random Hugs
• Good Wishes via text, phone, Facebook, Twitter, or Marco Polo
• Fertility Gifts - One of my colleagues made me a bracelet,  and it was an amazingly touching gift. 
• Random gifts that make you think of me (if you already have them and just haven't sent them, or were thinking of sending me something anyway)

This is just for me and maybe 57% of people who have experienced a miscarriage.  There are some who like to hear they are a mother.  If you know someone else who had a miscarriage just ask.  "What can I do to make this Sunday better for you."