I am scheduled to get my IUD taken out Thursday. It's a little more complicated because they can't find the strings; I have to go over to the Ob's and have a ultrasound an likely paracervical block. It is likely going to suck. What is worse that now I have to scramble to see if I can get a new IUD placed.
I don't let myself get excited about things until it is really happening. Travel, new adventures, even graduations I don't acknowledge until I'm in the moment. I also am an over planner. I've been looking at pregnancy and labor information for the last 18 months. I'm 36 and my fertility is falling (not as fast as it will in a few years) but fast. As I've told others it is time to poop or get off the pot.
But now I feel 30 minutes into a Trump presidency that it would be irresponsible for me to try to conceive. We were alway dubious given the world as it is: global warming, overpopulation, the state of Black American life. But people were at least talking about change and possibility, and my time was getting short. I have been worried for sometime about what could happen to me and my family with police violence.
I keep hoping that something will come up and prove that this is an error. That the country that I live would not elect someone who has committed sexual assault, suppresses minorities and endorses violence. I recognize that this is without the voting rights act and gerrymandering occurred, but Hillary ceded. I don't know what could change in the next 24 hours that would make me trying to conceive responsible.
I am genuinely sad and mourning not just for my country but for my personal loss. Maybe in a year things will look reasonable again, and I will feel okay possibly conceiving. But of course my fertility will be even lower at that point and it will be less of a chance.
Damn it I really wanted to try.